


And now I present...Your present. Which is..

by NotProudNotOut



Series: Merry Christmas 2014 [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Feels, Christmas Presents, Feels, JUST BUY IT ALL, Oneshot, Presents, WHAT TO BUY, despairing over gifts, jarvis has had enough of Tony's bullshit, natasha is cunning, pragmatic solutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:11:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2743904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotProudNotOut/pseuds/NotProudNotOut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does a man who has everything give to a man who wants nothing (for himself)?  The redheads in Tony's life may have some insight to offer on that account..</p>
            </blockquote>





	And now I present...Your present. Which is..

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MariaAD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariaAD/gifts).



> Ambiguous timeline - but hey, it's CHRISTMAS!

For Tony, it's not so much a question of WHAT to get Steve for Christmas, as it is a question of HOW MUCH he can give the Captain without entering the dangerous zone of ”spoiled rich kid not understanding that money is not everything”.

It was an edge he found it surprisingly hard to balance on, perhaps because in some ways he really was just a spoiled rich (adult) kid.

Last Christmas had been disastrous. Steve's wide smile as he opened the first gift, that perfect happiness as he treasured the new pencil-set Tony had bought on a whim – And Tony had been so happy then, YES, he'd gotten one right -

But then the gifts kept coming, and Steve was starting to seem nervous and embarrassed, as if each time he hoped it would be the last..

Tony physically shrugged to rid himself of the memory. This year would be different! He told himself again, sternly, as he stared into the gift-room. It had once been his bedroom, but since he was mostly sleeping with Steve these days, and had better things to do than sleep when he was on his own, it had been turned into a storage-room for all the gifts he'd bought for Steve so far.

 

”Jarvis, did you finish the Christmas morning simulation with the new variables?” he asked into the air.

”Not yet sir,” the AI answered. He sounded exasperated.

”But I told you to run them this morning!” Tony exclaimed, as he took a step into the stuffed room.

 

”With respect - I have been running these simulations since August, sir. I have been running these simulations with hundreds, if not thousands, of possible gifts. Gifts, may I remind you, that you would not have needed to buy for me to run the simulations with them. Simulations which -as I may remind you- are unlikely to provide data with any kind of predictive power. My honest opinion, sir – Is that you might want to -quotation mark start- wing it -end quotation mark- as they say.”

Tony had been looking into a box full of identical pencil-cases (maybe one was just a tiny bit better than the others, and more likely to call forth that approving grin) as the AI was speaking. Some might find it eerie to be told off by one's own creation, but Tony supposed those people had never been parents.

 

He considered pretending he hadn't heard, but then sternly told himself he was supposed to be a grown man, and a kind of hero at that.

”I can't” he said instead, because really, he couldn't. How could he leave something so important as Steve's happiness to chance!?

 

”Now now, that's not a phrase I thought I'd hear from the mighty Tony Stark so soon..” Natasha spoke behind him. Tony yelped in surprise, and spun around to face the intruder.

”It's only the fourth of December, and you're already desparing.” she smirked. ”But don't worry, you know how some people say Santa lives in Russia?” Tony tried hard not to stare at her. This was not a conversation he'd been expecting to have with the spy.

”Don't look so frightened, I'm here to help you. Think of me as Santa's little helper.” Natasha talking about Santa and little helpers had got to be illegal in some states. It was definitely fucking with his mind.

 

”Basically your problem boils down to this. You feel that you need to spend an awful amount of money on the Captain to show the depth of your affection, and the Captain on the other hand almost seems to think that the amount of money spent is negatively correlated with the amount of genuine affection. Not to mention it, ironically, makes him feel worth less”

”Yes.” Tony agreed miserably. He appreciated Natasha speaking of it in somewhat scientific terms to calm his nerves.

”And you tried to avoid this problem by buying enough stuff to satisfy YOUR need but at the same time pick out only one thing to satisfy his. Only problem is – It's not enough, is it?” She was getting closer now, her green eyes locked intensely with his. This had got to be the most dramatic discussion he'd ever had about Christmas gifts.

 

”No?” he answered, and let his eyes dart around the room, full to the brink with stuff. All stuff that he desperately wanted Steve to have.

 

Natasha sighed and finally broke eyecontact. Her whole posture seemed to change, as she shrugged once.

”Well, a better friend would tell you guys to get some help. Like, Steve needs to stop with the whole being stuck in the forties' economy or the generous heaps of survivor's oh-no-I-am-not-worthy-of-good-things guilt thing he's got going. You should probably learn to accept that your affection is something worth in and of itself and blah de bla bla.” she was smiling fondly as she spoke.

 

”But alas, that friend is not me. I am merely here to offer a quick fix to your predicament.” Tony lightened up at her words.

”It's so simple I can't believe you or your computer didn't think of it already. Or maybe that's why you didn't? Maybe you need to -”

 

”Just tell me!” Tony blurted out, then took a step backward, embarrassed at his own eagerness. ”Please?”

Natasha smirked, obviously pleased to have the upper hand.

 

”You will find that Jarvis has received permission to open a certain file from me. It's a list of all the Christmas shopping I'd like done.”

”Yes?”

”Well, I rarely have the time to go Christmas shopping, and hardly the money. You finish that list for me, and the solution is yours.” Tony didn't really have a choice, and really, how bad could the list be? Natasha was a reasonable woman.

 

”Sure.”

 

”Good.” Natasha smiled, and Tony saw something of himself in that smile, the little kid bursting with joy to tell someone that he'd found the answer, and he'd found it first.

”A charity.” she said simply. Something settled in him at her words, like a fog that had been keeping him from seeing the obvious was finally starting to clear.

”You give him a considerable amount of money, earmarked for him to donate to any charity or charities of his choice.” Natasha continued, her smile growing into a grin.

 

”It's the perfect compromise. The Captain will feel truly happy to be able to help someone in this way, and this will allow you to go crazy with the numbers –  **within limits,** ” she added.

Tony was way ahead of her, a wondrous smile splitting his face in two. Natasha was right. How had they not thought of this?

”It's perfect!” he exclaimed, and Natasha smirked.

”Now now, no need to be all mushy about it. Just let me remind you..You might want to look into the Christmans shopping soon, it's the fourth already, you know!” And with those words the redhead turned around, and started to walk away. Tony looked at her in awe, as she put on a red Santa's hat, and was gone.

 

”Jarvis? ” he asked absentmindedly. ”Could you give me a rundown of that list?” The AI sighed before speaking.

”As it is, that may take several hours. Dare I suggest you start the lady Romanov's Christmas shopping in August as well, if you are going to be relying on her advice again?”

 

...

 

While Tony was still staring at the list in disbelief, Natasha had made it out into the hallway, where she couldn't surpress a childish giggle. The moment Pepper told her she knew the solution to the resident superhusband's gift-issues, she'd known she was gonna be rich.

And hey, it wasn't like she hadn't also done a good deal! All in the spirit of Christmas.

 

This year would be a very merry Christmas indeed!

**Author's Note:**

> The 5th of December-installment in MariaAD and DDAriSieg's Christmas Calendar
> 
> I hope Nat didn't come off as too mean, I kinda love her when she's a bit morally grey in non-serious matters XD <3


End file.
